Let The Past Go – Easier Said Than Done?
A Few Techniques To Try
A great many people have encountered this situation. You finally found your soulmate after tons of bad, even abusive, relationships. You are elated, happy at last, and making plans for the future. But wait.. you begin thinking maybe you see signs of a problem. Nothing overt, but you begin dwelling on thoughts that maybe this partner is bad too. You think maybe they are doing things behind your back, etc… you cannot prove it, but you just KNOW something is going on. After all, it has happened before, right?
Perhaps you shouldn’t trust anyone! But hold on, you haven’t actually seen or heard anything wrong. It’s just those doggone thoughts that won’t leave you alone. Thoughts that perhaps you aren’t wantable, desirable, or worthy. Therefore, your new partner must have ulterior motives or must not be as wonderful as they seem. Next, your own behavior begins to change as a result of these thoughts. You become suspicious and angry. Naturally, your current partner becomes angry as well, not knowing why you are acting this way. Before you know it, your new relationship is over. What happened? Well, you might have unintentionally sabotaged it due to your past experiences.
Red Flags – Never Ignore the Legit Danger Signs!
Let me interject a word of caution here. Legitimate red flags – dangerous signs – should absolutely be heeded. Any physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, things of that nature – should be an absolute “get away from that person immediately” clue. Always, every time. There is no valid reason for a partner to do these things. Leave. Find somewhere safe to go and go there. Call 1-800-799-7233 for the National Domestic Violence Hotline – they have wonderful resources.
Yes, You Can Be Happy.
Listen to me. You can be happy. You do deserve a good relationship. I didn’t find my soul mate until I was almost 50 years old. Prior to that, I had two rough marriages and a slew of relationships that didn’t work out for one reason or another. Some of them were abusive. I thought I didn’t deserve better. But I was wrong – I deserve happiness, and so do you. Do your due diligence on a prospective partner.
There are many ways to do that in this day and age. If you know mutual people, ask your friends/family/acquaintances that know the person you want to make a relationship with all about that person – don’t be shy, pick their brain. Google that person. You can even pay for background checks. Don’t let anyone tell you that it is not ok to check a prospective partner’s background – it is absolutely ok in the current time, for safety. Trust those bright red flags.
Tips and Hints
Here are a few tips and hints to help you. If there are no true red flags coming from your new partner, try to simply relax and enjoy each other. Don’t overthink everything. Take your time truly getting to know each other. Don’t let overinflated expectations bring you down.